What I Really Miss...

My family and friends are a little confused about my last post.

What I really miss about being a traffic reporter is the research and my analytical expertise. I knew my job inside and out and also knew who to contact to affirm my traffic theories. I don't miss the environment, the uncertainty, the egos, lying and game-playing of the radio industry. Every now and then I felt exhilarated while doing the actual broadcasting. When the chemistry was right between the DJ and myself being on the air was fun. But, I never felt like a "star" and I was always uncomfortable in that role.

My life right now doesn't have the dramatic highs and lows that occurred on a daily basis when I was on the radio. I don't beat myself up for saying the wrong word or sounding too boring. I can just be who I am. If I feel depressed one day, I can just be depressed. If I have trouble getting the right word out of my mouth, so what? I value and much prefer authenticity.

However, I do have an incredible uncertainty about my future. I am trying out different career ideas as I go on job interviews at my school. (I just had an interview to be a departmental secretary today. Don't think I'd like that job). Working in a university means I am never the "expert". Even though I've just completed my Bachelor's degree, I am still on the bottom rung of the ladder in this environment. What I'm wondering now is how far I want to climb?

Backed up from Albro to the Brewery

In an ongoing exercise of self-exploration, I consider my past, present and future on a daily basis. I think about where I've been, who I am now and what I want to do in the future. (I almost never know what I want to do in the future. Sometimes I wonder if I'm afraid to plan for the future because I've been disappointed so many times before?)

Today, I've been looking at my past.

In a fit of boredom, I travelled to the Washington State DOT website and to the traffic cameras I used to consult frequently during my former life as a Seattle Traffic reporter. I examine the grid-like traffic-flow map and then, if I see a black or red patch of freeway, I click on the camera icon to determine the problem. I used to pride myself on finessing the traffic map better than any other reporter I knew. I used to predict problems and call the DOT to move the traffic cams in order to verify my hypothesis. More often than not I was correct.

So, today I noticed that traffic on "Northbound I-5, just before the I-90 interchange" seemed a little slow on the map. Sure enough, when I checked the live cam, there were two State Trooper cars with an accident. I found myself remembering the correct lingo I'd hear on the police scanners: "Seattle Zone two: Northbound 5 south I-90 two-car accident, lanes one-and-two blocked". Off and on I challenge myself to remember this language and the correct names for all of the interchanges in the Seattle Highway system. I don't know why I don't want to forget it. Maybe because it took so long to get the system down.

I became a traffic reporter in Seattle after living in town for only 2 years. There was much to learn and I had to sound like an expert very quickly. After a while, I enjoyed the process of researching traffic and the detective work involved in getting to the root of the problem. When I worked at independent radio stations, instead of at the Metro Networks "traffic clearing house", I could also depend on listeners to help find accidents. I was on a first-name-basis with many 9-11 operators in three counties. Everybody loved "Smith" in Snohomish county. He had a great voice and was always cracking silly jokes. I wonder if he's still doing that job?

Sometimes it feels like ages since I was a traffic reporter. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday. And sometimes I miss it.

Emotional Blog

What a crappy weekend.

Well, maybe it would be the ideal weekend for a stressed-out working single mother but not for me. I was alone all weekend and was a total slug. I stayed in my PJs all day Saturday.I slept and slept and slept. Probably slept 16 hours on Saturday alone! I tried to be more active on Sunday but then just gave in to the lethargy. I only left my apartment to get some groceries. Then I went back to sleep. I was in bed for the night at 8pm and got up at 4am this morning, catching another nap between 5 and 6:30 before getting ready for work.

Part of my malaise is because I don't know what to do in this town. I don't know where to go and I feel like such a freak amongst the locals. I don't want to fit in with their provincial god-fearing world. I don't have the raw materials (ie: a family and a belief-system that incorporates a patriarchial supreme being ruling over all).

Then, when I got to work nobody said good morning to me. I always have to say "good morning" first. I decided to just let it slide and see if anybody took up the reigns. Nope, they all just sat in their miserable little desks in this miserable little office and ignored everybody else.

I think I hate my job, my city and my life today.

Panda Cam to Soothe the Soul

Hurricanes and war, disasters and death. It is almost too much to bear. In order to cope, one needs a diversion. Well folks, I've found mine.

It's PANDA CAM!!!

The new baby boy panda was born on July 9th at the National Zoo in D.C. They've closed the exhibit to onlookers and instead are offering live feeds of the Pandas on streaming internet. The two sites I use are:

The National Zoo: http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/GiantPandas/

and

Animal Planet with enhanced video much cleaner than from the zoo: http://animal.discovery.com/cams/pandavidr.html

Today the baby has been trying to take his first steps. He squirms, struggles, strains and takes a nap. The cycle then repeats. Such absolute cuteness! The camera on the Animal Planet switches back and forth from him and his mother, who's sleeping on the rocks outside. She's totally oblivious to the activity inside the den. But, I'm sure she needs a break from her son.

Yes, Panda Cam will help you get through the day.

Goodbye Puppy Friends, Part 2

I think the puppies and I are being weaned off of each other.

They are now only living at the house across the street on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings. I think their Daddy is only teaching Tues. and Thurs classes at the university and their Mommy isn't teaching this semester. I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks. Perhaps the family is living at another location during their long weekends? Or, maybe she's gone on to San Antonio to prepare their new home?

All I know is that I am trying to squeeze every drop of puppy love I can from 'Peros and Jumping Dog while I still can. I'm insisting on over-the-fence back scratches and If I'm lucky, 'Peros will let me rub under her chin. I'm using up the last of my dog biscuits and haven't bought any new Snausages or Jerky Treats lately. I suppose I'm subconsciously weaning them off of me by giving them less-tasty treats.

It is kind of sad and would be sadder...if there wasn't a brand new golden retriever puppy down the block... He already knows me on sight and stands up on his hind legs to get his treats. I wonder what I should name him? Goldie? Squeaky?

Aah. The circle of life.

What is Wrong with the Air?

Everybody I know has a headache, is sniffling and has periodic spells of dizziness. What's going on? Some people say they have allergies and some say it is just a sinus infection. I suspect it is really the foul air we are breathing.

For the past couple of days, the folks of this North Carolina city have awoken to humid and foggy skies that trap the carbon monoxide and other filth in the air and keep it low to the ground.

Of course, as a former fan of Art Bell and George Noory's "Coast to Coast AM", I might be persuaded to believe these symptoms are also the result of the transmissions of the HAARP antenna array in Alaska. But, that would just be crazy, right?

Green Bible Terrorists

This morning while on my North Carolina state-run college campus I was once again accosted by members of the Gideon society pushing their Green Bibles on everyone who passed them by. This morning, I could take it no longer so I wrote a letter to my college newspaper. Here is what I wrote:
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I have kept my mouth shut about this for 3 years, but I am sick to death of being accosted every year by the Green Bible Terrorists of the Gideon society! Every year I have gone out of my way to avoid their witnessing as I walk to class or work.

Why are these predatory, smiling men allowed to roam freely on this campus while other organizations, with just as zealous an agenda, are relegated to the "free speech zone"?

This university is not a private college run by a Christian organization! This university is a public, state-run university!! Doesn't this brand of missionary work
violate the separation of church and state guaranteed by the constitution? I am as offended by the Gideon's yearly presence as an evangelical Christian would be to the presence of Muslims handing out copies of the Koran on campus.

But I'm sure the Muslims would be made to do their work in the campus "free speech zone" behind the Student Center.
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This may seal my fate and get me fired from my temp job. But I am so pissed off at the moment that I don't care.

I'm So Angry I Can't Write

Having received complaints about not updating this blog in several weeks, I thought I'd make an attempt. Although, I don't feel very creative.

It is all of the fury and frustration I feel over Hurricane Katrina, Our horrible, horrible government and yes, my miserable little life. It just gets to me sometimes.

Since the criminals in the White House have taken siege of this country I have written at least 500 letters to Senators, Congressmen, heads of corporations and yes, even the dunderhead in the Oval Office. While most of the time my letters have been simply edited versions of the suggested letters written by the many political, environmental and activist groups to which I subscribe, I have written several on my own, including words of praise for my Congressman, Rep. Brad Miller, one of the "good guys".

I'm pretty sure, with the exception of Miller, my words have fallen on deaf ears. So have the words of MILLIONS of other Americans. The protests, actions and marches have also been pointless. Merely exercises designed to encourage and empower those involved in the activities. The leadership doesn't care. They have their own terrifying agenda that they continue to force-feed the entire world.

It is because of the past several years of calculated "ineptitude" that I must now come clean with my crazy and unspeakable "conspiracy theory".

Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, John Ashcroft, Condi Rice and all of the other bastards in the neo-conservative bunch planned and orchestrated the "terrorist acts" of 9/11. To use a famous quote, "follow the money". WHO has benefited from the events of that horrible day except this Bush administration and their corporate cronies? Why was it possible we knew the names of the hijackers within just a couple of weeks? Better yet, another question: why is it that two of the "hijackers" were actually stolen identities of Pakistani men who were in their own country at the time and are still alive?

Who has gained the most from this "war on terror"? Halliburton, Bechtel and other defense contractors and others, connected to this administration. No bid contracts are now the norm in war and in natural disasters. We never hear the truth in the main stream media. The reporters are either banned from the scene of the action or the conglomerates that own their journalistic outlets are just mouthpieces for the administration. I have no idea what kind of pressure Scott McClellan and his bosses put on news outlets but I can guess.

Finally, the professional response that followed the attacks of 9/11 could not be duplicated in a hurricane that everybody knew was coming and everybody had days in which to prepare. Thousands and thousands of people suffered horribly and will continue to suffer for many years to come. An entire city has been destroyed. The problem was that the Neo-Cons didn't have years to plan this one, like they orchestrated 9/11. They didn't have speeches prepared and couldn't make themselves look like great leaders and heroes. Yet, they have been able to control the media and have a blackout of photographs of the destruction and the dead. They have been able to give Halliburton more no-bid contracts to fill their corporate coffers. They have been able to rid a city filled with poor black people of its inhabitants for a long, long time.

Yeah, this is why I can't write in my blog right now. Because this is what I have to say and I know, nobody wants to hear the rantings of a crazy woman.