Finding My Muse Again

 Back in December, I started to feel like I could finally begin creating again. I asked my sister to send me my colored pencils and watercolors from my New Mexico storage locker. When the 10 pound box arrived, I was stunned that I had so many colors and mediums from which to choose!! I have always had so much fun with colored pencils and watercolor pencils. And hungry cones in my eyes crave bright colors placed next to each other. I have missed this. It has been way too long since the Muse visited me. I'm so glad she's returned. Stay awhile this time, won't you?

SIXTY!!!!!!

I celebrated my birthday this year with a little bottle of pink champagne and some cake. 

I have never been one to make much of a fuss about a trip around the sun, but this time it meant a LOT to me. You see, I NEVER thought I'd make it to this decade. The big six-oh. I was sure I'd be dead long before this. Not because of the recent cancer scares, but because of my heart.

When I was 10 years old, my genetic heart defect (mal-formed aortic valve) was discovered and after a cardiac catherization and several days in the Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital in St. Louis, MO. Doctors told my mother and I that I would require a big operation when I was 40 years old and that it might not work. They also said medical science might be vastly improved and I might have to just take a pill and everything would be alright. But, I only heard the "BIG OPERATION AT AGE 40 and YOU MIGHT DIE" part. I internalized it and now that I look back, I think I lived my life 'as if', because of it. 

I think I quit my radio career at age 39, because of it. It's why I accrued a huge amount of student loan debt and finally went back to school, because I'd always wanted the college experience but wasn't allowed to have it. It's probably part of the reason why I've never had any real desire to settle down in one place for very long. I've lived where I wanted to - and even though I don't have a lot of money - I went on a couple of snazzy vacations abroad. 

Turning 60 has given me a sense of accomplishment and peace. I started feeling this way about mid-way through December, when it dawned on me that this big milestone meant more, for me, than others. If only we weren't in the middle of a pandemic and I could go out and tear up a dance floor or something! 

I have an identical twin sister and she is handling the new decade very differently. She feels the weight of the number and cultural age discrimination very keenly. She's still in the job market and feels its very precarious whims. I have been on disability for several years now, due to my multitude of physical ailments, and have accepted my irrelevance. But, I am kinda enjoying being a 'woman of a certain age'. Also, I am living in an old people's town. We are everywhere. And we are not invisible here. We might even be the majority!

I am at peace today and had a warm croissant and coffee for my second, age 60 breakfast. It's kind of chilly but I think I'll head out for a little walk. That is, if I can get my sweet kitty, Purrcival, to leave my lap and snooze elsewhere. Hooray for me!!