Friday, April 27, 2012

The End of a Marriage

My last post was about window shopping for a fantasy wedding. This one is about the stunning end of a marriage.

Good friends of mine have been wed for 12 years. A couple of weeks ago, I found out that their marriage has suddenly come to an end. Seems the wife met and fell madly in love with another man. This blind sighted the husband who never saw it coming. I suppose it can happen to anyone, at any time. I don't believe she planned to leave her husband but once she met this other man, I guess she realized what was lacking in her life. I don't think this is a case of purely sexual attraction, but I can't be sure.  I thought my friends had a solid marriage. Sure, they bickered, but they seemed to resolve their problems quickly. To me, it looked like they stood as a team during difficult times. I remember feeling encouraged by their relationship and knew I learned a lot by observing it. Now I've learned that even the surest things can change. 

What lies ahead is anybody's guess. I suppose he'll get the dog, and she will take the cat. Then the possessions will have to be divided. Messy business, even when broken hearts are not involved. Having only observed divorces from the outside, I can only imagine how gut-wrenching it must be, to know that you tried your best but failed. Can twelve years simply be erased? Is it ever possible to just let go and thank your spouse for the time you had together and the lessons learned? I hope he recovers from this life-altering experience and is not embittered by it. I hope she treats him kindly during the transition and does not rub his face in her happiness.

Love is a many-splintered thing.



Saturday, April 14, 2012

Planning My Fantasy Wedding

On a recent trip to NYC, I made a couple of stops near 5th Avenue.

The first one, was to the St. Regis Hotel. I wanted to see the rooftop ballroom again, the place where I met Barry Manilow, when I was 17 years old. So I wouldn't look suspicious to the hotel staff, I took the stairs to the lower level and then, from there, went up to the roof. The banquet staff was preparing the ballroom for a party to be held the next day. I explained that I was just sneaking a peak because I had recently become engaged and remembered that this room might be perfect for my wedding reception. My first impression was how very small the room was! According to the hotel's website, it only seats 220 people for events. I still can't believe my good fortune at being invited to that party. The next thing I noticed was that they still had the same gold-backed chairs that were in use in 1978. I asked if they were the same chairs and was told yes - they just freshen up the spray paint every now and then. The room's roof was still blue with clouds painted on it. I remember being at Barry's party and being in a daze, as I gazed towards the ceiling.


After I was there for about 5 minutes, a security guard was summoned and I was told I needed to contact the hotel's sales department if I wanted to inquire further about using the ballroom.

My next stop on my fantasy wedding tour was Tiffany and Co. on 5th Avenue. My high school friend, Rusty Corbett, had recently passed away, so I entered the jewelry mecca as a tribute to him. When we were in high school, once a year, the choir would go on an all-day excursion to New York City. Somehow my sisters and I, Rusty and our friends Craig and Jennifer convinced our parents to let us break away from the school group and walk up and down 5th Avenue, while the rest of the class toured the Metropolitan Museum of Art. As I entered Tiffany's, I said to myself, "This one is for you, Rusty". I noticed that engagement rings were upstairs on the 3rd (?) floor. As I entered the elevator and asked for floor 3, the operator said "congratulations"! I beamed as if I were a young bride.

Once I got upstairs, I inquired about pink diamonds, as a friend told me they were the rarest and most expensive of the diamonds. The salesman showed me a couple of them, and while they were beautiful, frankly, I was not captivated. And, the only one I sort of liked cost about 500 THOUSAND DOLLARS! Just a bit too rich for my budget. I asked where I might find something a tad more modest and moved to another counter.  I told the clerk that I was recently engaged and that my fiance was going to wear the men's blue topaz ring encircling my middle finger. Did he have something to match, perhaps? Well, that is when I fell in love with the aquamarine stone in a platinum setting. Much more reasonable at only $7,500. I laughed as I said "Ah, I would like the cheapest ring in Tiffany's!" "No, you are just a modest person" he replied. I liked that. I asked him to write down all of the information on the back of his business card. I think I still have it in my wallet. Here is what the ring looks like:
And believe me, it is even more gorgeous in person. In the meantime, I found a little sterling silver band with a blue square stone in a thrift shop that does the job nicely.

I did not look for a dress while on that New York City trip. The ring and ballroom were enough to fulfill my fantasy for one day. And, it was a brief respite from the painful reality that was waiting for me back in Brooklyn that night.