The Dog I Love

Since I've added photos of Dudley, world's cutest dog, to the blog, I figured I'd write an ode to my Dudders.

He's a Lhasa Apso with maybe a little Shi-Tzu thrown in. But he's not a tiny dog. About 27 pounds at last check. And his hair grows way too fast. I love it when he's all fluffy and furry, with hair between 1 and 2 inches long. It looks scruffy and his paws are little puffy posts. He has a couple extra teeth on the bottom row. Some say that is because he was bred too closely in a "puppy mill" environment. In breeding, I suppose. Well, that kinda makes sense to me. I used to know a human with too many teeth and he could easily have been progeny to an in-bred union.

My sister and I had a friend growing up, Little Jimmy. Jim had weird teeth, too. Too many that more than filled his mouth. In thinking back on his family, they seemed to be of hillbilly stock. Mom lived on nicotine and caffeine and was painfully thin. Sister looked just like her and was always in and out of trouble. Little Jimmy escaped into a fantasy world of Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler. Yes - he was our first gay friend. And wow, what an education he provided! When we got into high school, Jim began discussing his life as a homosexual. I also seem to remember some stint as a male prostitute. But, knowing Jim, it could have been a fantasy career.

During the summers, he hung out with a guy named Dave, who he met while working at Hersheypark. I started hanging out with the two of them and I got a crush on Dave. Silly me, I was too young to figure out that he must have been gay, too. I finally got the hint after I planted a kiss on him one evening and he nearly gagged and told me he was queer. Subtlety wasn't working on me. I was 18. It was at that moment I began developing "gay-dar".

But, I don't have to worry if rambunctious and sweet Dudley is gay or not. It certainly doesn't matter if this little love prefers boy or girl dogs, as long as he prefers ME! When I take him to the dog park, I ONLY have eyes for Dudley! Other pooches pale by comparison. When I visit him at my sister's house, I make her sick with my insistent proclamations of "I LOVE you!!" "I LOVE you!!" over and over. But, I can't help myself. I only want to cuddle and coo when Dudley is around. It is a disease, I suppose. But I hope I never find the cure!

Cannibals and Aliens

Well I'm probably one of only 2 people in the entire world who had to call up a cannibalism expert and let her know she had been upstaged by an alien. This was one of the most difficult things I've had to do, in recent memory. I think open-heart surgery was easier!

I've formed an over-the-phone and email relationship with the woman who's written the definitive guide to cannibalism. She's a delight! I love her! And to have to disappoint her by telling her she'd been preempted by a peeping-Tom alien was heart breaking!

But I think it is just the nature of the job. Maybe the alien will be upstaged by Bigfoot one day. Or a chupacabra will be left by the wayside so we can bring you news of the New World Order.

What have I gotten myself into?

New Job

I haven't been blogging because I'm learning a new job. It is good, but a bit stressful. My assistant producer role has expanded. I'm now learning how to find and book guests for the weekend shows. I've contacted publishers, pre-interviewed authors across the Atlantic as well as on this continent and am starting to learn how to negotiate.

That is the hardest of all for me. Negotiation. I understand that if you've been married, you learn how to negotiate and compromise. I've never been good at that. I haven't a clue how to get people to do something they don't want to do. I've never been a good salesperson and persuasion is a skill I don't have. I'm usually the one to cave in first. I have a sneaking suspicion that those who know me well have already figured this out and have taken advantage of this fact for years.

My heart is getting stronger by the day. I am sure of it. I've started the cardiac rehab program at the hospital where I got my operation. Walking on a treadmill and using the "eliptical bike" 2 and soon 3 times a week. Also doing free weights with a group of senior citizens. I am by far the youngest person in the cardiac rehab class. Kind of nice being the youngest again. The few I've talked to had stents put in their arteries to clear out the clogs after a heart attack. I called one man a "pussy"! I've wanted to say that to somebody who only had a stent put in via a vein in the leg, as opposed to the full open heart procedure I had to replace my valve. They have NO IDEA of the pain I've felt!

But, we all lived and are in the process of making our bodies and hearts stronger. I'm able to walk for longer distances before tiring, too. I've made it all the way through the dog park to the lake without stopping. Have done it twice now. The strange thing is my legs are now more exhausted than my trunk. Used to be the other way around. And, I'm feeling more alert after exercise. I've always heard that was the case but it never was with me. Must have been because the oxygen was too busy going to my heart that it forgot about my brain.

So, new job, new heart. New life - new start?

Coffee Helps!

I haven't been drinking much coffee since last fall. I just felt the need to switch to tea. I'm glad I did. It probably helped my heart.

I've been lowering my caffeine levels to next to nothing for several months now, especially since the valve replacement. But today, I needed the hard stuff. I've been feeling so low - overwhelmed with paperwork plus the post-surgical depression combined to make it very difficult for me to get out of bed. In fact, I didn't get out all day on Sunday!

So, I used all my remaining strength today to cart my computer (aka Shiny Tiny) and supplies and head out to a coffee shop with WiFi. Thank god I did. After 2 cups of Java, I feel Sooooooo much better!! I think I'm going to start drinking a cup a day again. Better than staying in bed all day!!

I Am Overwhelmed!

I know I am supposed to feel happy and grateful that I survived my difficult ordeal but right now I just feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the amount of paperwork I must complete in order to put off my student loans for another year - due to financial hardship, try to get charity assistance for the rest of my medical bills - this time for the anesthesiologist and finally, to see if I can get out of jury duty for the Federal Court - since I am not physically strong enough to withstand 8 hour days etc.

I am patiently waiting for 8 more days until my $122 worth of food stamps get put on my EBT card for this month. Eating the last of my groceries. I am happy that I made it into the "Section 8" lottery of 4000 available slots for housing payments but unhappy that my position is number 2019. I am scared that my part-time job with a better salary but no benefits might work against me with Washington State's Basic Health.

I am switching cardiologists because the one I have cancels his appointments and doesn't return phone calls.

I am also a little overwhelmed by my new duties at my job - I like it but it just seems like too much to think about with all of the other crap going on.

I am supposed to be happy I lived but today I think it might have just been a whole lot easier had I died.