You Can Take Starbucks Out of Seattle but...

You definitely can't put Seattle into every Starbucks!

Case in point: Yesterday was a gloomy day in my North Carolina town. The kind where the gestating clouds are going to deliver any second. I decided it was perfect latte weather and headed out to my nearby Starbucks for a cafe Americano. As I was sipping my coffee, I overheard the following conversation between the Asian American male barista and an older, mustachioed Tennessee Williams type:

"So, ya seen the new semi-automatics yet?"
"Not yet. I'm headed to the gun show to check 'em out."
"Wonder if the Pentagon will put in for a new contract?"
"Well, you know how them boys are. It's all about the money."
"Hey, you headed to the range any time soon?"
"Might be. Wanna shoot off a few?"

The South never ceases to amaze. I just hope caffeine doesn't affect their trigger fingers!

Rednecks with Chainsaws

Nobody wants to be awakened by the sounds of Rednecks with Chainsaws!

They've been surrounding my house and hacking at shrubbery and tree branches for more than 2 hours now!! When the deaffening whir of their deadly machinery isn't making my ears bleed, their shouting "Hey, BJ, you might-could get that there big 'un for me!" (a direct quote) is making me wince!

(One thing I've not been able to get used to here in North Carolina, Redneck accents and convoluted vocabulary. Now, the word "y'all" is a different issue. I think that 'y'all' is a very useful word, one that encompasses all sizes and genders of people.)

Back to the Rednecks with Chainsaws issue: Those two words should never go together! Rednecks and Chainsaws reminds me of the punchline of one of my favorite Southern jokes:

Q: What are a Redneck's last words?

A: "Hey y'all, watch this!"

Enough said.

Tornado Warning!

Yesterday, I got home from work and turned on the TV to watch a "Gilmore Girls" rerun. After about 15 minutes, a big blue screen popped up on the tube with the words "TORNADO WARNING" shouting at me in red letters. The official voice over, from the National Weather Service in Raleigh, NC told me, in no uncertain terms that a tornado had been spotted several miles west of me and was headed in my direction at a speed of 35 miles per hour. Yikes!!! I was instructed to get to the lowest floor of my building, in a hallway or interior room and cover my head.

I put on a pair of sturdy shoes, got some pillows and blankets, filled up a pitcher of water and made sure the gas was turned off in my fireplace. I rounded up the cats and prepared to sit in the hall for the next ten to twenty minutes. I alerted a couple of my neighbors.

I haven't been in a "tornado warning" area in a long time. When I was a little girl, we lived in Decatur, IL and (although a tornado never hit the town) we were very familiar with the fear of having our homes razed and trailers toppled by a giant funnel cloud. We had tornado drills in elementary school where we'd all file out in the hall, sit with our heads facing the wall and cover ourselves with our arms. Scary stuff when you're a kid!

So, somewhere deep in my psyche I was prepared for this disaster. I pulled down the window blinds to keep the flying glass debris to a minimum. I got my little Red-Cross Emergency Kit out of the closet and the cats and I waited.

Nothing happened. My neighbors left the building and went on with their lives. I went back inside my apartment and turned to the TV news. The funnel cloud went back up into the clouds and the big, bad storm headed north. Crisis averted. Phew!

Plumbing Problems

Last night, after 10pm my toilet overflowed! Badly! And instead of turning off the water flow, I turned the handle the wrong way and made even more water spurt out! Lefty loosey, righty tighty...gotta remember that. Needless to say it was not a pretty (nor a sanitary) sight. I didn't have a plunger, hardware stores were closed and my landlord lives a half an hour away. So, I laid a bunch of towels on the floor and went to bed.

I woke up at 6 am and had to ... pee in the tub ... Ew. Ick. GROSS. I understand that guys wouldn't have a problem with this due to that outside hose apparatus and it is a natural occurence in the shower but NOT FOR WOMEN! I rinsed out the tub and then poured peroxide in it for good measure, then got dressed and went to Home Depot. Wow. they had around five different types of plungers and after trying out the suction on 3 kinds, I bought the industrial yellow-with-sturdy-black-rubber-plunger. When I got to the cashier, she asked me if I was having a good morning. I nodded and said I was.

But, NO! A woman buying a big yellow plunger at 7 am is NOT HAVING A GOOD MORNING!!!!

Luckily, the thing worked, the toilet got unclogged and I had just enough quarters to clean all of the soiled towels in the building's washing machine.

Now I just have to scrub the floor with Murphy's Oil Soap. Maybe tomorrow.

Writing is HARD

Here I am, 44 years old and almost a college graduate! What I don't understand is why these last 7 weeks of college are so hard! I still have several papers due before comencement and each one feels like I am pulling an elephant through a keyhole. Painful and nearly impossible. Perhaps I am just sick to death of writing? Maybe I don't have anything else to say? Will I graduate, after 26 years of work, shame, fear and then more work?

God I hope so!

And THEN WHAT???