Baxter's All Settled, After 1 Day!

Well, it didn't take long!! In just a matter of hours, Baxter has bonded with his new daddy and his new brother, Dobby. He has longed to run and chase and play with a dog companion on a full time basis, and now he can. And now I don't have to feel woefully inadequate.

When he left the other night for his new home, My tears flowed uncontrollably. I will still see him at least 2 days every week (and more if I travel to Mechanicsburg), but the main thing is he will be happy and settled.

Now, time to figure my life out - sans puppy dog.

Co-Puppy Parenting

I've tried to tell him gently, but he won't understand until he gets into the car tonight and drives away.

Baxter now has a daddy, as well as a mommy. My situation is far too traumatic for me, right now, so my friend's "son" (prized pupil) has agreed to take care of Baxter for as long as I need - possibly for the rest of his life. He already has one dog, a pit-bull mix, Dobby, and he and Baxter tolerate each other, so far. I'm sure it will be uneasy, at first, but I really hope Dobby and Baxter become best friends, and that the re-homing situation goes well. The "son" will bring Baxter back and forth every week, so I'll still see him, but I won't be financially responsible for him anymore. Also, my boy will finally get the exercise he desperately needs, as I am not very fast moving these days - especially with an orthopedic boot on my left foot (since I broke a bone in it a few weeks ago).

I'm trying very hard to see a future for me in this town but it is extremely difficult. I just don't have it in me to worry about Baxter, too. I contemplate suicide almost daily - at least once per day, I sink down so far, emotionally, I don't think I can recover. And then, somehow, I do. But I have no idea how to go on. I don't know if I'll ever see happiness again. Everything is so "Pennsylvania". My dear friend is doing yeoman's work. I feel tremendous guilt being this depressed around him. He keeps painting a cozy scenario for me that involves a cute apartment and a kitty. It brings me a bit of hope. Baxter is such an active dog. I love him very much. I hope he understands the new arrangement that must happen, now that he's living in civilization, instead of on acres upon acres of free range scrub.

Recently...More fun!

OK - where did I leave off? My dog, Baxter, got sick again from the flea and tick meds - catatonic and wobbly for an entire week. Had to go back to the vet. Vital signs were good. He's finally recovered.

One morning I went outside with him barefoot. He got away from me and while chasing after him, I slid down a small hill and (I thought) pulled a muscle in my foot. It only got worse, 2 weeks later, so I finally went to a Doc-in-the-Box. I have a fractured bone in my left foot. I'm now wearing an orthapedic boot for 6 weeks. I will also have an MRI to find out if I tore any ligaments that will require surgery to repair.  This has been approved by insurance but I have a $180 co-pay. Better than $2,000, I suppose.

And, Baxter is going to leave me and move in with my friend's son, while my friend helps me figure out my life, finances and the Human Services department in this state. I have about 8 more days left with my dog. But he will come by for visits, almost weekly. I realize this is necessary, as I can't even take him for a decent walk and a wonderful young woman has been helping me with that for now. I can't thank her enough for all of her kindness. And it breaks my heart to have my dog go to another - possibly permanent - home. But, I am in no condition to take care of him right now. He deserves better than this. If I think about it for too long, I'll start crying again.

A few days ago, my sister invited me with her to visit a high school friend I hadn't seen in 38 years. I had such a crush on him when we were young, but of course, he never saw me that way. He always liked the small, hyper-active types. But we laughed and told stories about our recent lives, and he shared with me his dissatisfaction and compassion-fatigue from being a psychiatrist for 25 years. Such a gentle soul. I think he's happier having left that profession. Married with 2 grown sons, he lives a stable life in the hills of Central, PA.

I can't even fathom such stability. The rug has been yanked out so many times, I've lost count. I don't feel hopeless, today, and that is a step in the right direction. Has taken me weeks to get here. As the Brits say, "to brighter days".

Helen Reddy - I Am Woman (Lyrics)

A friend reminded me of this song. After my last whining post, felt it was necessary to post the lyrics.