Band Rehearsal, Hippies and a Contact High

I don't lie about my age - I'm 52 years old right now. And today, the 15th day of my 52nd year, I apparently experienced my first "contact high", during band rehearsal, when the other musicians were passing around some weed. I have certainly been in the same room as pot smokers before but apparently whatever they were smoking this time around was potent stuff!

May I just say I hated the feeling? I felt disconnected from the music, I couldn't get my bearings and I was dizzy. Also, I couldn't take a deep breath due to the smell and the smoke. Maybe I was suffering from oxygen deprivation and wasn't high? Music is enough for me. Especially live music where I am a participant. I really don't understand why other people need something artificial inside of their bodies in order to feel connected to music (or anything else, for that matter). Perhaps I am just wired differently? I was always a "straight ass" - as they used to call me in high school. The only time I ever even considered getting high was when I was 17 and my boyfriend, Bruce, and I discussed eating some brownies laced with pot. We never did it, together. (Or that other thing, either). When I was growing up, I was far from cool. I was the choir and theater geek and the hardest stuff my friends and I ever touched was too much hot English Breakfast tea with lemon and sugar. Maybe some diet soda (Tab) and we had a blast! Lots of story-telling and laughter and music and creativity. That was our high.

Since I landed in Taos, from day 1, I have been seen, again, as a singer. THANK GOD! It has been a loooong time since a community of musicians has embraced me. Much of this is thanks to the beautiful angel, Lynn, who was my savior when I didn't have a place to stay. She took me in with open arms and introduced me to many of her friends, most of whom are musicians and artists and other outsiders. OK - I suppose you could call the majority of them "Hippies". The VW Microbus is the transportaion of choice. You can never be sure when everybody's had a bath. And, you quickly learn that they're living on the fringes of the community and with their own sense of time. Already I've learned that it is hard to pin down a time for rehearsal. Today, I arrived at the practice space at 11:30, and the last one to get there walked through the door at 4:00. But, I like these people. Many of them are good musicians and I've never sung with a harp and violin before. They are very good-natured and encouraging of each other. Very few egos. In fact, I am realizing that I have a bit of an ego, when it comes to music. I am much "tighter" than I realized. I like rehearsal to have structure and purpose. If I'm learning a song (for a future performance), I want it to have a defined melody, so I know where to put my harmonies. Is that too much to ask for?

But, I'm learning to let go a little, although we have a performance in 11 days and I'm a bit nervous of falling on my face. Hippies who smoke pot don't seem to have the same sense of urgency and perfection as me. I kind of want to grab one or two of them by the hair and shake them, though, to put them back on track, sometimes. But, they let me join their group and they invited me to perform at their show. I am trying to adopt one of their favorite phrases "It'll all work out, man, it's all good". They truly believe that. And the stakes are not that high, even if we do flub a couple of tunes. Just one roomful of people will ever know we goofed. Nowadays, though, there are cell phone cameras and You Tube to worry about....

Things "They" Say

How can this get even better? - That is the question that I have been told to ask myself, when abusive or awful things are happening that make me scared, or when I want things to improve in my life."They", (New Age Philosophers) say if you ask that question, then things WILL get better. "They" talk a lot about "intention" - have a focused "intention" for what you want, and it will happen. This is the advice I have been getting from a lot of my friends, family and acquaintances, when my Topsy turvey, unfocused life keeps getting pulled out from under me, right as I am starting to get my footing. They tell me that I must not have a clear intention. That I am not thinking positively enough. They tell me to focus on how things keep working out for me. Yes - my life is not as shitty or as unstable as it gets, but I keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep moving forward and yet, the rug keeps getting pulled out from under me, just when things seem to be working out!! I move on. I take another step forward. I say kind things to others. I say kind things to myself. I hold a vision in my mind for the ideal life I want. And then, BAM! Here we go again.

"They" say I am creating this, to teach myself lessons I need to learn. "They" say I am bringing the exact thing into my life at the perfect moment. I am able to believe this - and then another health crisis or something happens and I can only wonder, "why have I brought this into my life, now"??? Nobody has a perfect life. I have certainly seen this, as I make this journey of lifetimes. (It feels like for these past few years I have lived many lifetimes, since I've had so many bizarre experiences and have resided in 8 or 9 different places, all across the USA). By the way, in case you've been feeling down about your current home or apartment, don't fret. I have stayed in many, many different places this year and I can ensure you that Better Homes and Gardens and TV have sure sold us a lie - nobody has a showplace home and if they do, they are not dealing with what is really bothering them in their lives. Most perfect house I lived in belonged to a couple who were months away from divorcing.

"They" shake their heads and say that I do not have enough faith. I think "they" say all of these things because my life scares the shit out of them and deep down they think I must deserve all of this crap, because otherwise it wouldn't be happening to me. If that is the case, then why are "they" sympathetic about cancer patients? Why do they send money to help poor starving kids in Africa? Oh wait, "they" don't. "They" tell themselves stories about Karma and how everybody has been on Earth lots of times and how those kids have chosen to be stricken with their disease or live in squalor with repressive government regimes, because they were probably cruel to other people in a past life and now they need to learn a lesson.

Personally, I think "they" say all of these things, so they don't have to be kind and lift a finger to help other people in need.