Blind Rage

Well, now I know why I have been so dizzy the past couple of weeks. Blind rage. I am so angry that this horrible human being, my soon-to-be-ex landlady has put me in this situation of having to move out in less than 2 weeks. I have a place to go, thank god, but must put everything in storage and drive all the way across the country. AGAIN. I am so angry that this narcissistic borderline personality disordered woman named Jewel Pasche who lives at 243 W. Calle don Andres in Bernalillo, NM 87004, has put my life into turmoil. I know this is some sort of cosmic joke - to put me with a woman with the same afflictions as my mother - maybe to cosmically clear my karma or something. But to be abused like this again is unforgivable. I am able to snap at a moment's notice. I just raged at a mutual friend of ours, a kind elderly woman, when she asked how I was. I blew up! I apologized to her via text but I am dangerous. I need help moving my things. I am angry. I am unable to move. I am so sick of this.

For 6 years and 4 months I had stable housing in Hondo. Even though the caregivers were demeaning to me - and I hear the worst offender was finally fired for how she treated me and the others - I had a home. Now, I have nothing. Just when I put up my paintings and bought some adorable plates and a tablecloth. When I made a furnished apartment my own, she throws me out on my ass.

Now if it had been my mother, the real reason for kicking me out would be because I took a trip to London. My mother was terrified of any kind of travel overseas. Before I left to do my study abroad in France, my mother called me almost daily, with dire warnings of how I was wasting my money and how I didn't deserve to travel and how I would wind up with NOTHING. Yeah, well, she was wrong. Probably why Jewel kicked me out, right after I paid my rent when I got back from London. She wanted to teach me a lesson about being frivolous . Fuck her. Except for flying on Norwegian Airlines, I had a lovely time, met Richard Ayoade, saw a musical, had high tea and listened to amazing Brazilian Afro Funk music. Ate delicious meals and took black cab rides. Jewel wants me to be homeless and desperate.

And now I have to go back to the dreaded state of Pennsylvania, because I don't have the energy to look for another place here. I need to build up my finances again.

WHY DOES GOD HATE ME??????