Tax Time

OK. Time to do the taxes again. Time to pull out the mental floss and dissect the strangest period of my life.

Once again, I am remembering this journey I've been on that has taken me from Boston to Taos and Angel Fire, New Mexico. From Reno to the Crystal Hot Springs. From Wallingford to Portland and Missoula, Montana.

This journey has lead me from financial independence to desperate dependency. From confidence and triumph to nearly living out of my car. A newly-stocked apartment was dismantled and my belongings abandoned. I said goodbye to a wonderful kitty and hello again to two fluffy Lhasa Apso nephews.

I've lost friends but found my voice again. No longer on the airwaves, I have stood on stages and sung with a power I'd forgotten I possessed. I've witnessed and felt the repair of something I thought was un-fixable. I have trusted my inner voice and have been lead to people who assisted me along my path. I have spent what little money I have on some frivolous trinkets like blue boots and purple rings that have become very dear to me. My sense of reason and caution have fallen by the wayside. After 25 years, former band mates have reentered my life and I have reminded them that music is what connected us.

Having lost nearly all of my material and superficial attachments, I found a flame that burns voraciously within. It has kept me going throughout all of this transition. It has rekindled forgotten passions and is gingerly nudging me along a fresh path. New friends, attracted to this flame, are also helping me along my way. My body's chemistry feels like it has changed. I can no longer eat wheat. Cookies, dear sweet chewy soft cookies have become the enemy of my intestines.

My life this past year cannot be summed up by a couple of W2 forms and balance sheets. The bureau of employment security's meager checks have been a lifesaver when I have been close to death's door and far too distracted to even think about how to pay my bills. The federal government's itchy palm is looking for cash back from me from my unemployment checks. Good luck with that.

2010 was a year I never anticipated. I had no clue my life would undergo such an upheaval. Perhaps I created all of this drama on my own. But, I am pretty sure I had help. Make that Help, with a capital H.