From 1974: Me, Electricity!

While sorting through some old papers my mother sent me, I came across this little story I wrote for my 8th grade science class. We were studying electricity at the time and I guess we had an assignment where we had to write about it. I chose to "become" electricity, and write about it from the first person perspective. Pretty amusing. I'm patting my teenage self on the back:

____________________________________

The other day, I was inside a lamp. I was just sitting there when all of a sudden, "Pling!" Out went all the lights.

The Mister of the family just got out of the tub and dripping wet he went down the long corridor, down the basement stairs, and straight to the fuse box. My sister was in there and you know women when they're mad - they sting! Well, anyway, the Mister was just about to put another fuse in, with his wet hand and ZZZZZZttttttttssssss!!! Ouch! God_____! By the tone of his voice, I knew my sister had stunned the Mister with all of her might.

Just then, all of my brothers and sisters went on, and so did I. I guess my sister didn't hurt the Mister with ALL of her might, just some of it. But the old goat replaced the fuse, anyway. At three o'clock that same day, I was humming in a toaster, quite content, when a grit got in my teeth. The Misses, or should I say Ms, put a knife, I think, in my mouth and she pulled me and pushed me and even pinched me. As you can see, I got pretty mad. As a matter of fact, I got really furious! So, when I couldn't bear it any more, I stung her like this: zzzzztttssss. She made the same remark her husband did. I care not to repeat it.

Just a few days ago, the Boy came home from school and just as usual, I was in the refrigerator when he opened it. Do you want to hear what he got out? Well, he got out one frozen pizza, two bottles of 7-Up, a box of cookies and two pickles. Just when he opened the pop, it fizzled all over him. He didn't bother to wash up when he opened the other one, either. When he was going to put the things away he touched me in the back and got a sting. "Ouch! God____ it!" he uttered.

The moral of the story is never touch fuse boxes or refrigerator backs with wet hands and never stick knives into toasters unless they are unplugged. And, never but never eat one frozen pizza, two cans of 7-Up, a box of cookies and two pickles. Cause you'll get sick!