It is All I Had - And it Isn't Even Worth Much

Went outside this hot July afternoon after a nap and found Steve next to my 99 Sentra, cleaning out the rest of my car. He took off my KUOW and "Corporations Are Not The People" bumper stickers, as well as the one that said "Purr More, Hiss Less". He did a great job, the car hasn't looked this good in 4 or 5 years.

But, he didn't have a happy expression on his face. He's worried about the clutch (which was always a little tricky but has worked fine for me since I bought it) He thinks there might be the beginning of a hole in the floorboard and he said the engine sounds ticky. I told him it definitely needs an oil change. I can tell he is concerned. I thought that I was giving him a good deal on a very reliable car that he could either sell for twice the price or use for another 6 or 8 years.

Maybe some new floor mats will solve the problem with the floorboard. I could never use them because my size 13's would always bunch them up under the gas or brake pedal making driving dangerous. The clutch took me months to get used to, back in 2002 when I bought it - but now I never have a problem. And yeah, it does need that oil change.

But, I burst into tears. The one thing left that I own, my little car that I can no longer drive, isn't worth much. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't help myself. It is all I have left. We threw out most of the stuff inside, except for the first-aid kit and jumper cables and a towel. Without a home, my trunk became a place for storage. A lot of the frivolous things like candles, colored markers, a 'space blanket' inside were from my trip to the desert last summer. It is best that Steve did most of the discarding. I was too attached.

But it makes it seem like this 50-year old life has not been worth much at all and I'm trying to "trust the Universe" but lets face it - I feel like shit.