So Lonely

Try to be brave. Try to be strong. Try to think positive thoughts.
God, I'm so lonely. This is worse than when I had open heart surgery. At least Lisa was with me and I had visitors. Here I am in this town and only know 3 people. And I have to be in bed all day. I keep praying I'll get better. I guess my lungs are getting stronger and they finally took that MRI on my back but no results just yet. "Trust in the process of life - that everything is moving towards the highest good. I have everything that I need and I am safe". I think those words over and over and then dose off to sleep. I have no idea what is next for me in life, if anything.

Today I signed a living will and did power of attorney paperwork. Linda will tell them to pull the plug, if need be. Figured Lisa has had enough of my burdens for a while. If they can't find her, I've told them to call Steve. Hope he doesn't mind. I asked to be cremated and have my ashes either kept by the family or strewn in the Puget Sound. Guess somebody's gotta make these decisions.

I had dreamed that by this time this year, I would have love. True love. Perhaps I lived in my head too long or made all the wrong moves. Perhaps I made too many wrong turns or was too stubborn in my life. Perhaps everything is going perfectly to plan and all of this will lead to something so wonderful I can't even fathom it?