Who Am I Anyway?

Am I my resume?

Those words are the first line of a song from the musical, "A Chorus Line".

They are also the reason for my malaise and doubt yesterday, as I tried to rework my resume to find a job in Reno. In yesterday's blog, I thought of myself in terms of the jobs I have held and the reasons I left them. I felt like a failure, having held so many positions in the past decade. So much emotion is tied up in the way we make money.

There's nothing like searching for a job to depress the hell out of you.

But, my resume does not tell the whole story. It doesn't mention my love of animals, and except for the fact that I made my living in the radio business, it totally ignores my passion for music. You can't tell that I am a kind person by my past jobs. A sequential listing of careers and places I've worked is just a way to market myself as a desired commodity or stereotype that will attract the attention of a potential employer. I have been advised to downplay those aspects of my personality that will show me as being too quirky and too much of an individual.

I was in my monkey mind yesterday. The endless swirl of thoughts and doubts and anxiety that make me crazy. Some days, it is so hard to find peace - peace of mind, especially. Even when I'm in a calm space - in the sunshine, surrounded by mountains and trees and flowers, I can be blind to my surroundings, only living inside my head.

I wish I could be totally dispassionate about this process. And have a positive outlook about my future.