Learning to Meditate

I've started practicing Transcendental Meditation again.

I think I mentioned before that I began meditating at age 14, on my mother's insistence. She initially wanted us all to learn the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's technique because it would make us lose weight. The TM center used to place eye-catching ads in the Harrisburg paper and one day, mom dragged all of us to an informational seminar that was held in the basement meeting room of the John Wanamaker's (or was it Gimbel's?) at the Harrisburg East Mall.

About 60 people sat in some folding chairs as the buttoned-up and very normal-looking meditation teachers showed a video of the laughing Maharishi as well as a series of graphs and charts explaining how the technique was scientifically proven to reduce blood pressure, remove cravings of tobacco and alcohol and normalize weight. Mom was sold. The next week, we all bundled in the car for our first of many Wednesday night meditation classes.

The TM center was near The Polyclinic hospital, in a very nondescript-looking brick office building, and included one large meeting room. About 40 plastic stacking chairs were lined up in rows and a TV with an early VCR was up front. A message from the Maharishi was usually played during the lecture. I quickly developed a killer impersonation of the white-robe clad, smiling, bearded guy. All I'd have to say was "Eeeeeeh? hahahahahaha" in his voice and both of my sisters would be weak from suppressed giggles. I think my very first bad Indian accent was perfected in that room.

It was a big day when each family member got her own mantra.

The mantra ceremony was a little odd, especially for a 14 year old girl. I followed one of the male TM instructors up a flight of stairs and into a very small room. We sat on metal folding chairs facing each other. Part of me was scared that something untoward would happen. Thankfully, it did not. The teacher was a very kind man. I remember he chanted something to me, and then, he started repeating the same word over and over again. That word became my mantra. I remember it took me a while to catch on and the guy finally had to say to me "This is your mantra, Anne...you need to chant it, also". After chanting the word, it was explained to me that to properly meditate, I would not say the mantra out loud but repeat it silently, in my mind.

We had to sign a contract, saying we would never reveal our sacred word to anybody. But, I felt horribly betrayed when, a couple of years later, during a World Cultures class, I found out that my mantra was the name of the Hindu goddess of fertility. The LAST thing I wanted to be, at that time, was pregnant! I mentally changed the first letter of my mantra, from that day on.

While teenage meditators were rare, there was one other boy from my high school who also occasionally attended the weekly meetings. He had blonde curly hair and I don't remember his name, but I know he kept suggesting I listen to the band "Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks". He was right - I liked them. It was nice not being the only family of "weirdos" at Central Dauphin High.

And, now, after so many years, the one thing that continually amazes me, while deep in meditation, is the fluidity of time. Just the other day, during the afternoon, I began my mantra at around 2pm. When I opened my eyes and felt myself come back to "the present moment", it was 3:50. Nearly 2 hours had passed! I was incredulous. How could this be? Yet, it was definitely not the first time this has happened. I was certain I had just closed my eyes for no more than 20 minutes. And, yesterday, my meditation seemed never-ending. It was strangely torturous and labored. I was "under" for about a half-an-hour.

Because I have been meditating for nearly 36 years, just merely thinking about the practice puts my body in a somewhat relaxed state. Even here, as I type on my laptop in the back of a Starbucks and sip an afternoon cup of coffee, I can feel my body quieting. The place is packed, too. But, I am not irritated. Well, not yet, anyway.

And after all this time, I don't know if my blood pressure has been normalized by TM and it's been a long time since anybody called me thin, but I am sure practicing meditation has benefited me in ways I can't measure.

Thanks, Mom.