House Guest from Hell

I have been truly grateful for all of the incredibly kind people who have let me share their homes this past year and a half. I realize what an inconvenience it has been for you, letting a stranger take up space and use your utensils and supplies, etc. Most recently, my friend-for-life (since high school), Bo - the oboist - has welcomed me at his partner Anthony's showplace. Now, I don't know what gene gay men have that I don't, but Anthony's house is picture perfect, with just the right decorating bric-a-brac on every surface, plus he has added unexpected touches like teak ceiling fans. And, you should see the Christmas tree that matches the living room decor. I'll never be able to furnish a house like this!

So, Anthony is the ultimate host and loves making folks feel welcome. He's been out of town the entire time I've been visiting, so Bo asked me to write something in Anthony's guest book (like they have at Bed-and-Breakfasts) to tell him how much I enjoyed my stay. Here's what I wrote:

Oh Anthony,
Your divine home has made me feel more than welcome! It is gorgeous!!! Sorry about the toilet and the bathtub...and the bed. Didn't cost too much, did it? As for the couch, I'm sure it will come out with a little elbow grease. Just a small fire in the kitchen, really. Only 2 firemen had to come out and they were so cute. I made them use their "hoses" a little more than they should have, but really, can you blame me? Hey, anyway, thanks for being such a good sport and I'll replace those ceiling fans one day. Love, Anne

Ain't I a little stinker?