Vanessa, Kurt, and My Semi-Famous Back

I realized yesterday that the back of my body has been in not one, but two movies!

In 1979, a film crew came to town to shoot the Nazi concentration camp made-for-TV movie, "Playing for Time" - based on a story by Arthur Miller and starring Vanessa Redgrave. I was a freshman at the community college at that time, taking acting classes. We found out about auditions for extras for the film. So, my sister and I went down to the Holiday Inn, where photos were taken and we were asked if we were willing to shave our heads and/or appear on camera naked. We both said a resounding "NO!" to each question. Apparently there were scenes of prisoners being gassed in the showers, and those scenes required nudity (even though it was only going to be on TV).

Surprisingly, I got called in and was cast as a 'background person' (a moving body shot through windows or doors, basically, a blur in the background) for a few days. I played a prisoner and since I didn't shave my head, I tucked my mane under a black and white cap. I wore a drab grey and white costume made of cotton - pants, shirt and longer jacket, and old shoes. The filming took place at a local military base called Indian Town Gap. The army barracks had been stripped of their siding so that only wooden slats remained, to closer resemble the gloomy concentration camp. To recreate a smoky atmosphere, large piles of burning tires were placed around the base and the acrid smell burned my nostrils with a nauseating scent I still remember to this day. I was joined on the set by lots of other locals, all of us looking sad and pathetic in our prison garb. It was on that day that I first heard the term "hurry up and wait," often used to describe how things work in the movie business. Hurry up and get the shot and then, wait around for the next scene to be set up. We "prisoners" were told to march in lines, mill about or, the worst, push a large metal pipe across the road. It was exhausting and I got pretty fed up moving that pipe because we had to peform take after take. So, I stood up. Well, some method-actor, playing a background Nazi guard, pushed me back down on to the ground so I would get back to work!! Boy did that piss me off!

There was a cold drizzle and my bones were chilled during those 2 or 3 days as a prisoner. In between scenes, we all hung out in an unheated empty barrack, with only a torpedo heater to take off the chill. We sat on metal folding chairs, as close to that rocket-looking device as we could. Our lunch was passed out in Styrofoam containers, and consisted of a ham or turkey sandwich, chips and a candy called "Now and Later" - similar to Starburst. I had never seen "Now and Later" candy before. Funny - the few times I've seen it since, I can't help but think of Nazi Germany (I'm sure the manufacturer would love that reference). Because it was so cold and uncomfortable, I didn't like being a prisoner extra. I was called back a few more times to do it, but turned them down!

However a couple of weeks later, both my twin sister and I were called in to be prison guards one day and we both said yes to that. As guards, we wore beautiful all-wool uniforms. Our hair was styled in buns or chignons and somebody applied make-up to our faces. We were also treated much better than the prisoners. Instead of eating cold sandwiches, we went to a dining room, where there was hot buffet. Also, we got to be in close proximity to the stars and I actually saw writer Arthur Miller hanging out on the set, not far away. Between takes, many of us stood around an oil can fire, to keep warm. I tried to act cool when Vanessa Redgrave walked right up next to me to warm her hands, too. When she looked at my sister and I, she said to me "Twins?" and I just gulped and said yes. Even with her bald head and no makeup, I thought she was incredibly beautiful; tall and regal with the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen. I now realize I could have gotten into big trouble on that day. We waited around for what seemed like hours, as the assistant director set up the shot. At one point, he and the producers walked away for a discussion. I don't know what possessed me, but for some reason, I sneaked behind the camera, to the lens. I really wanted to see what things looked like from the directors perspective. I"ll never forget seeing the small stream and buildings in that frame. It looked so specific and artistic - so different from the 3-D real-life scenery around us. Luckily, nobody saw my crime. On that day, we only filmed 1 scene. We guards ran up a hill, with the prisoners in front of us. When the movie ran on TV the following year, I couldn't locate myself at all as a prisoner, but I think I saw my back headed up that hill.

In 1994, when the rock star Kurt Cobain died, a memorial service was held at the Seattle Center for the fans. Even though I had left rock radio a few years earlier, I really felt I needed to be there. I had just come from therapy (with the world's tallest therapist), and didn't have to be at work at the Adult Contemporary station for a couple more hours, so I got to the gathering a little early and stood pretty close to the front of the stage. Many members of the rock radio and music scene spoke to the crowd. There was a row of cameras about halfway back and some guys were milling through the crowd and filming. They kept asking my blue uncool Goretex-wearing 33-year-old self to step aside, so they could get a better angle on the young "Grunge" family seated in front of me - flannel-wearing 20-something mom and dad, with their baby. Courtney Love sent a recorded message, and we were all instructed to call Kurt an "asshole" as we looked heavenward. We all did. Then, we were given small candles to light. (I still have my candle in my jewelry box). Once the service ended, many in the group headed toward the big fountain, and that became a joyous celebration of the late musician's life. I wasn't about to get wet, as I had to cross a floating bridge and head to work. But, I remember it took me a while to leave the area, since so many mourners were making a mad dash to the water. I walked slowly away, taking it all in and honestly, I was not sure what I felt. I had no idea that the cameras were still rolling.

Just this past year, I was shown the Grunge documentary, "Hype". I could not believe my eyes when, towards the end of the film, the camera followed my blue Gortex coat leaving the scene. My back had once again been immortalized on film.

And nobody knows it but me. And now, you.