I B a Kolej Grajuate

(aka: I am a college graduate!)

I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it!

The day finally arrived. I wore my very cheaply constructed $38 cap and gown and became an official graduate of my university!

First, they made everybody line up according to departments. Since mine, women's and Gender Studies was at the end of the alphabet, I was at the back of the line. Only one other student from my department showed up, so there were only 2 of us! Eventually, we all filed into the big Coliseum and took our seats.

And then, the nearly never-ending story of the 90-year old commencement speaker began. What I've learned: Sometimes you have to kick the door of a Studebaker to get it to open. It took the old broad an hour to say that.

Finally, they began handing out diplomas (only to the PhD. Students) the Masters candidates and Bachelors just stood up by department and cheered. But, that turned out to be OK. Kids brought confetti and champagne bottles and silly string. All hell broke out when their departments were announced. And when "Women and Gender Studies" was announced, Shauna and I stood up and I couldn't help myself. I screamed "Yes! Yes! Yes!" in my best Meg Ryan impression and had the whole Coliseum audience laughing and clapping with me!

In the end, I'm glad I went. I am now a college graduate. Looking for a job. Know anybody who's looking for help?