We Still Have a Long Way to Go

I was stunned last Thursday in my English Literature class. We are currently reading The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri. In the book, two of the characters marry but their union only lasts for one year. In the class discussion prompted by the professor, I was astonished by the opinions offered up by the mostly female class.

“Well, I knew that marriage wasn’t going to make it because she didn’t take his last name” said one girl.

“Yeah, anytime that happens, you know the woman isn’t committed to her man” agreed another.

I couldn’t sit by quietly and let this discussion continue without my input. “Well, he could have taken her last name, or they might have hyphenated both names” I said, and then continued with, “When a woman gives up her last name, she is giving up part of her identity, especially if she is known professionally by that name”.

This logic was completely lost on the class. One young woman, a senior, looked at me with much hostility and retorted “That is just ridiculous! My last name doesn’t define who I am! When I introduce myself, I say my name is Sherri, not Miss Stone!” (Not her real name).

Another student tried to diffuse her anger by saying, “Don’t pay any attention to her, (meaning me) she’s a Women’s Studies major”!

The fact that my opinions can be offhandedly dismissed because my major course of study focuses on women, our rights, our histories and our place in society absolutely infuriates me! What it says to me is that the status of women is still not being taken seriously by other women and that despite all of our hard feminist work; we still have a long way to go. These young women have internalized societal oppression, accepted second-class citizen status and have no trouble defining themselves by their relationship to a man, instead of by their own individual merit. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Is it because this university is in North Carolina? Is the South really that backwards? Or do these women represent a larger portion of the United States population? The cultural messages that have been broadcast for decades still promote the fairy tale endings of the Cinderella story. Popular movies aimed at teenaged girls still lead up to a happy-ever-after ending, where the white knight (figuratively) rides up on his trusty steed to rescue a damsel in distress. Hell, even the liberated HBO series “Sex and the City” ended its run by having Carrie, the protagonist, rescued from a bad relationship in Paris by another man, the elusive “Big” who dragged her back to her beloved New York City. (Why she couldn’t do it on her own, I’ll never know). But these are the messages the patriarchy sends out in the media and darned if these women in my English class haven’t fallen for them, hook, line and sinker!

I wonder if women will ever truly gain equality with men when it comes to relationships. When our sisters are secretly whispering behind our backs and plotting for our demise, we cannot move forward. As a whole, we must stand together for the equal person-hood of our gender. If we don’t who will?