JESUS AND THE POPSICLE

This post is being written in response to the inaccuracies stated by my sister, "Miss Patsycat" in her blog, "Patsycat Cafe".

According to her writings, I stopped beleiving in Christianity due to an ORANGE CREAMSICLE. This is a bald-faced lie. The culprit was, in fact, A BANANA POPSICLE! There is not now and never has been any similarity between the two. An orange creamsicle is an orange popsicle shell covering a delicious vanilla ice cream center. The two tastes combine to make a light and fruity confection. A banana popsicle is yellow from the outside to the wooden stick inside and tastes like how a skunk scent would taste if it could be frozen and packaged 6-to-a-box. DuPont probably has a patent on the flavor.

Here is the true and factual story, to the best of my recallection:

It was a sweltering Illinois summer in 1968. I was 7 and NOT 10 years old, as my sister incorrectly stated. My mother, in an ongoing attempt to turn her daughters into little boot-stepping Christians, once again sent us to Vacation Bible School - this one held at the Church of Christ in the suburban north of Decatur, IL.

During the week, the church ladies would, after lunch, offer us popsicles for desert if we would agree to "be saved" and "accept the Lord Jesus Christ" as our personal "Lord and Savior". I resisted for 4 days, after I saw some children crying when they came back from the dark room inside the church where the ladies did their "holy" work. I thought it might hurt.

On the fifth day, they bribed us with fudgesicles, the most glorious and delicious of all popsicles. Finally, a hungry little Ansapo agreed to submit to their taunting and "accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Personal Savior". And that was all. It didn't hurt, I didn't cry and I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. I just wanted my goddamned fudgesicle!

But NO! The lure of the fudgesicle was great and the supply had been depleated! The Church Ladies had run out before I could get mine! In an attempt to appease a poor, sobbing, freshly minted little Christian girl, they offered me what they had left, A VILE, POISONOUS BANANA POPSICLE.

It was at that moment I had an epiphany. I had been lured into a religion that did not keep its word. A religion that did not honor the needs of its flock. A religion that would deny the faithful in order to increase in numbers. In short, a SHAM RELIGION! It was at that moment that I became a doubter of Christianity and though I've tried countless churches, Christianity has never taken a hold of me.

Dear ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I believe I have provided sufficient evidence why I can not believe in Christianity and why I can not be blamed for my actions.

Miss Patsycat, in the future, I would appreciate it if you would check your facts before recklessly publishing them.

Thank you for your time.