Then and Now

A year ago, I was restless and couldn't find much to do with myself. It wasn't enough to love the kitties at the animal shelter two or three days a week, read library books and sing now and again with friends on Sunday. I was happy to have my house sitting and errand running duties for my landlord, as well as book research for her son. My brain was over-active and needed stimulation. I went for plenty of walks but felt anxious. I was horribly lonely.

As a new year begins, with health issues that need attention, I am happy to nap for most of the day, watch movies online and scroll through Facebook. Last year's painting phase only lasted a month or so. I was uninspired by acrylic and canvas and became highly critical of my work. Several months later, however, one lovely piece of cardboard inspired a new phase of work, with colored pencils. But, nowadays, with a weakened heart, I can't draw with the pressure and intensity I crave. So, I have had to put a new piece aside, until after my surgery.

Last year, my loneliness was loud. Right now, my sister is living with me and I am not lonely at all. I am embarrassed she is a witness to my morning ineptitude - my inability to translate my thoughts into verbal or written words for several hours. My clumsiness and forgetfulness. I have a hard time laughing at myself because it is so frustrating. She is a morning person and is filled with ideas and words when I awake. I want to respond, but can't, many times. She is understanding but I get aggravated that I can't communicate at the same rate as she can.

This year, I tire after eating - it takes energy to digest food. I get weary if I wash the few dishes in the sink and I need a nap after taking a shower. I enjoy spending the majority of my day asleep. It is hard to remember when it wasn't this way, which is why I'm writing this blog - to remind myself. 

My birthday is on Monday. What will I write this time next year?