Just a Few More Days

5 Days to go until the first surgery. Removal of Gilbert the Goiter and half of my thyroid. A cardiac team will be on standby, if my aortic aneurysm ruptures during the procedure.

I tried to meditate a few days ago but couldn't muster much inner peace. I am more worried, this time, than I was in 2008, with my first open-heart operation. There are many complications this time. I don't know why it is so difficult to have faith right now. It just is.

Have been reading a little book, "The Afterlife of Billy Fingers", that describes the death and afterlife of a man, as told from his side of the 'great divide' - to his sister, on our side. The writing is simplistic and a bit irritating, but it does help, knowing that if all fails, what lies ahead will be positive and fulfilling.

If I die and get to see my loved ones, from the other side, I most want to visit my kitty Saturn, and my Aunt Nippy. She came to me after my first heart surgery. A little hole ripped open through the fabric of space, just to the left of my head, and I saw her, looking very happy and healthy. She said "Hey, Kiddo" (she used to call me Kiddo), and told me what to name a fuzzy stuffed dog my sister gave me. "I think he looks like a Scamp, Kiddo" Wisdom from the beyond.

Then, I'd like to blow this Popsicle stand and get on with learning the great mysteries of Creation.