Being and Doing

Living "in the moment" and being present are very, very important things to me. I used to be a whole lot better at pretending and acting. Now, it seems all I can be is my authentic self. It is a relief and a curse.

It is a relief because I feel I can stand by and take credit for everything I say and do, without apologies. I need to live my truth - and it is feels good. It is a curse because I have lost money and jobs and maybe even friends because of it. One day, perhaps I'll get better at living my truth and using tact!

I remember back in the early '90's, in my first meeting with a new therapist. He spoke to me about the differences between "being" and "doing". I could have saved a lot of money if I had stopped seeing him right after that session. That one sentence spoke volumes to me. When you are living in the moment and are not afraid of what others will think of your reactions you are responding as your authentic self. You are BEING. When you react how you think you are expected to react, when you toe the line and do what you think society expects of you, despite your own feelings, then, you are DOING. Let me tell you, after you get the hang of it, BEING is a hell of a lot less stressful than DOING.

I am sure a lot of people in the entertainment industry are experts at DOING and total novices at BEING.

This past week, I attended an event called "Paint Dancing". A wonderful spirit named Matt has opened up his art studio for an event that combines painting and dancing, to celebrate and cultivate the collective Muse. It goes like this: several people stand around a table filled with paper, paints and brushes. Exuberant and inspiring music is played on the stereo. Dancing to the beat, brushes in hand, art happens! It was a total blast. In a humanitarian twist, Matt charges $15 per paint dancing session and donates it to a food bank. A wonderful idea!

I attended a free session of paint dancing ('cuz I'm broke) because it was going to be featured on a TV station's morning news program. Matt needed bodies to fill the studio for the cameras, so he could promote this wonderful happening. 2 dozen dancer/artists filled the space and dance/disco/pop music filled the air. I was immediately transported into a blissful state. I was dancing up a storm and squirting paint everywhere. I was instantly in LOVE! Then the music stopped. And started again. And stopped again, etc. The reporter for KING 5 morning news showed up, with her cameraman to do a live report. Big lights were set up. The "BEING" part of the event had ceased and the "DOING" part had begun.

The music was switched from "Disco Inferno" to Miami Sound Machine's "Conga", because the reporter thought the beat was faster (although, I think if anybody checked, I bet they were very similar)we were not allowed to make any noise while we were dancing, because it would drown out the Reporter's story - believe me, that was HARD! Then, she recorded several "takes" to be played later in the broadcast. The music had to be stopped and started several times and we paint dancers were instructed to move this way or that and NOT step on the cords. Practical advice for television but, again, very hard when you're caught up in the music and the moment and having a blast. And, let me tell you, stopping and starting over and over felt like COITUS INTERRUPTUS! I was getting into the beat - dancing my fool head off and thinking about colors and shapes and then BAM! SCREEEEEECHING HALT! It was so frustrating. I understood why it was happening - I'm not that naive - but still, I was kind of ticked off!

I should be used to this, having worked in "the biz", for years and years. Yet, I find it shocking each time. I'll never get used to having to give up the actual world, for the reflected one. It is important to keep in mind that EVERYTHING we see on TV is a creation - a production. It is not reality. "Reality TV" is most definitely NOT reality. So much footage is shot and then the editors splice it all together to tell a story - a story that they are creating and not the one that may have actually happened.

I still love Project Runway, though. I try to enjoy the creative processes and not get caught up in the drama, etc. I don't know if I'm all that pure, though. Sometimes a little drama is fun.

But I digress.

I can't help but wonder what life was like, when people were living for the moment and not for the reflection and recording of that moment? It seems to only have gotten worse, with the massive rise in popularity of camera cell phones like the iPhone and Blackberry. Everybody is thinking of how they'll post what they're doing on Facebook, instead of actually living in the moment. Cyndi Lauper was recently giving a concert in Seattle. I understand that she got upset with a fan who was recording her on his cell phone for posterity. Cyndi cried out "BE HERE NOW!" to the fan, who apparently didn't even know she was talking to him - he was too busy looking at her reflected image in his phone.

I think we'd all be a whole lot happier if we could "BE HERE NOW" and not worry about how we'll look to somebody else in a little while from now.

And now, I'm going to post a link to this blog on Facebook. Maybe that is hypocritical.