I'm NOT in Control

For sure, I have never, ever been in any kind of situation like this, in my life.

I don't know which way is up, which way is down. I've avoided topsy-turvy romantic emotional upheavals for an entire life. It is probably an act of self-preservation. Why do humans do this to each other?

I am leaping to the wrong conclusions, bashing my head against the wall and crying a lot. I'm also experiencing a kind of elation and joy I've never felt before. What the fuck, people??? Is THIS what all of those songs are about? Is THIS what has inspired artists throughout human history? THIS IS INSANE!

Wait a minute - I'm also tapering off of anti-depressants. Have been taking them off and on since 1990. But, the depression lifted and my heart was finally re-opened two and a half months ago, with the reappearance of music into my life.

Maybe this is all just a chemical reaction or withdrawal symptoms? That is what my dispassionate shrink would say. That man is like a stone, yet he never gives me a straight answer. I don't want to tell him what I've been feeling. I'm afraid he'll tell me I'm bi-polar and put me on lithium.

IS THIS LOVE?????

Why in the hell do people want to get married when they feel like THIS?