A Trip to the Mall

My trusty cell phone broke in half last night, so I was forced to visit the mall to get a new one. After picking the phone closest to my old model (dear GOD I hope I can figure out how it works!)I decided to take a lap around the shopping mall, being Holiday season and all.

BIG MISTAKE!

I haven't been mall shopping in about 2 years and a lot has changed. There are now huge, distracting flat screen TVs every 20 feet or so, beaming Debora Norville's smiling face and cheery advice for purchasing the perfect "holiday scarf". On top of that, you are assaulted with eye-level 7 foot tall moving billboards in between the TV screens. You can hear the jingle for radio host "Delilah" every 15 seconds coming from somewhere. Then, the kiosk booths have aggressive salespeople who attack you with perfumes and lotions and new cell phone options. Right out in the open, they invade your space as you dodge the slower-moving other shoppers.

After nearly having an anxiety attack from sensory overload, I decided to have lunch at a sit-down restaurant with a bar. After considering and then rejecting the notion of a mid-day Marguerita, I ordered a chicken sandwich and a coke. Before my food had even arrived, 2 well-dressed derelicts sat down across from me. You could tell these two guys either met in prison or at the rehab center. They ordered booze and started talking loudly about some "bitch who fucked their friend over". Every 10 seconds, the younger of the two would say "Yes sir!" while his legs moved non-stop under the barstool. Each sip made their conversation louder. I hurriedly finished my sandwich and paid my bill and high-tailed it out of there, avoiding the kiosk salespeople as I ran to the door.

Don't think I'll go mall shopping for another few years. Don't think I'll miss it.